


What You Fight For

by My_Heart_Is_Not_Cold



Series: Our Little Miracle [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: And also angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Communication, Communication is Very Important, Established Relationship, F/F, Family Fluff, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Kid Fic, Parents Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Protective Lena Luthor, boss ass bitch Lena, but not all that much, from S3E02, it's very angsty, married supercorp, mentions of panic attacks and trauma, very strong angst, wife in the workplace, wives working together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-23 03:51:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18146606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Heart_Is_Not_Cold/pseuds/My_Heart_Is_Not_Cold
Summary: Kara has great expectations for Lena's first day at CatCo, it's not every day you can go to work with your wife after all, but when a psychic meta who targets people's fears decides to rob banks in National City, Supergirl faces one of her biggest challenges yet, and so does Kara's and Lena's marriage. Meanwhile, Liam's power dampener is ready and he couldn't be happier about it.





	What You Fight For

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, there beautiful people!
> 
> I'm back with more of this little series that I love so much.  
> This one was a challenge not only for Kara but for myself, I won't say much about this but it was haaard to write. I've been working on it for a very long time, some parts date back to when season 3 was in the beginning yet, our the same time this version of Liam was created, so I'm just very happy to finally be able to share this with all of you. 
> 
> There's quite a lot of Kryptonian being spoken in here, compared to any other thing I've written, but I think I made it easy to follow, I just felt like it was important to have it there. Unlike usually, I have added translations in italics so no one needs to stop reading to see what it was said.
> 
> Hope you all like it as much as I do.
> 
> Just a warning, I actually cried while writing some parts of this.

 

Kara was very excited to go into work that morning.

It was Lena’s first day at CatCo.

She’d get to work with her wife, _with her best friend_. Kara had a really good feeling about this.

Lena wasn’t in bed anymore when she woke up, and while that wasn’t completely out of the ordinary, she frowned at the emptiness of Lena’s side of the bed.

She found Lena in her home office, and her breath was taken away at the sight.

Lena looked absolutely beautiful, with her tangled black curls tied back in a loose knot, her thick-rimmed glasses perched on her face, a frown of concentration on her brows and her bottom lip trapped between her teeth as she tinkered with something on her desk; her loose sleepshirt falling off one shoulder, one foot propped up on her chair and she rested her chin on her knee as she worked. Kara could not be more in love with this woman if she tried, eight years together and she still stole her breath away just by existing.

She stayed back for a few moments, just watching Lena work, watching all the different faces she did as she moved her hands with dexterity.

“I missed you in bed,” Kara said eventually as she crossed the threshold, and Lena finally noticed her.

“Sorry. I wanted to give it a last checkup before the first run,” Lena told her with a yawn.

When she got closer, Kara noticed Lena had Liam’s new Solar Watch in hand.

The Solar Watch, as they had taken to call it, was, for all intents and purposes, a kids’ Smartwatch. But it was more than just a simple Smartwatch, Lena had enhanced L-Corp’s new kids’ Smartwatch model, the one Liam had chosen the colors to, to work like a red solar wavelength generator, which basically meant it was a Kryptonian power dampener. The Solar Watch had all the regular features of the kids’ smartwatch, but in an inconspicuous app that worked only by fingerprint – Lena’s and Kara’s – it created synthetic red sun energy that reacted to a Kryptonian’s organism to neutralize their powers like a red sun would do. Through the app they could control the level of solar energy it would release.

Lena had also added a feature on the panic button, that on top of calling the emergency contacts in a specific order, it also emitted a high-frequency ultrasonic signal that only Kryptonians could hear, much like the watch Superman gifted to James Olsen, and Lena made to herself at the request of Kara so many years before, so Kara could know first and fly to him whenever he was in danger.

Standing right next to the chair, Kara pressed a kiss to Lena’s naked shoulder and the woman hummed.

“How’s it going?”

“I think it’s ready,” Lena said with a nod. She threw her head back to look at Kara. “Do you want to test it?”

Kara leaned down to place a kiss on Lena’s lips and held her arm out when they parted.

Lena placed the watch on Kara’s wrist and fastened it. It looked funny on her arm, it was very much a child model, cotton-candy-pink like Liam had asked and clunky with the extra silicon protection designed for the adventurous kids. Kara sifted through the apps until she found the sun icon and tapped it, a cartoonish yellow sun took up the screen, twisting the rays around like a wallpaper.

“Cute,” Kara said.

Lena smiled. “I thought you’d appreciate it.”

Kara pressed her thumb on the screen, right on top of the sun, until she felt the watch vibrate.

“Now I just twist, right?” she asked, and Lena nodded.

And Kara did, rolling her thumb over the screen, like an old iPod's control, and the sun started growing darker, she watched it go from yellow to orange to red, in all shades of it, until it was a dark shade of red and it blinked once; the highest setting.

“Hearing is down,” Kara said. “Now what?”

“I have an idea,” Lena told her with a devilish grin.

Before Kara could ask her what she had in mind, Lena lifted Kara’s shirt and leaned down, placing her lips gently just next to Kara’s navel.

“Lena?”

But anything Kara was about to say was forgotten the minute Lena sank her teeth into Kara’s soft skin. Kara let out a strangled gasp and her hand went to the back of Lena’s chair to steady her. When Lena changed tactics, from biting to sucking the soft skin, Kara’s knees buckled, and her free hand tangled in Lena’s hair, releasing Lena’s curls from the knot and letting them fall over her shoulders as she continued to work on Kara’s stomach.

Once Lena was satisfied, she pulled away and looked at her work proudly.

“There, it works,” Lena announced, placing one last kiss on the deep purple mark she left on Kara’s stomach.

Kara had to clear her throat a few times to find her voice again.

“You’re evil.”

“At least yours will go away once you take that watch off,” Lena said with a shrug.

Lena got up and stretched, moaning as her joints popped, and for the first time, Kara couldn’t hear the clicks. The stretching made Lena’s sleep shirt ride up, and Kara’s eyes followed the movement, grinning as the purple marks covering Lena’s own stomach and the inside of her thighs were revealed.

“Yeah, I’m pretty proud of those,” Kara said as she pulled Lena closer to her with a hand on her waist.

Their bodies were flushed together, torsos separated only by two thin shirts that could be so easily ripped away.

Kara looked at Lena hungrily and she saw those bright green eyes dilating behind the thick lenses.

“Can you do it again?” Kara asked in a hot whisper, and Lena only grinned and did what she asked, burying her face on Kara’s neck.

After four marks along Kara’s neck and shoulders, Lena pulled away and reached for her phone, snapping a picture for a later moment, and showed it to Kara.

“You don’t know how much I want to keep these, let everyone at CatCo know just how yours I am,” Kara husked out.

Lena shivered in her wife’s arms.

“We should,” she cleared her throat when her voice broke, “we should get ready. New boss can’t be late.”

Kara narrowed her eyes playfully at Lena.

“You are an evil woman,” she accused with a smile.

Lena shrugged. “It’s the Luthor in me.”

Kara had to bite her tongue not to add a remark about the Luthor she wanted to be in her. She turned off the watch and Lena watched as the hickeys disappeared.

“Just remember while we’re at work, that mine are very much still here,” Lena told her sultrily. “Right. Under. My. Clothes.” She punctuated each word with a kiss where each mark used to be, and Kara could practically feel them still there.

\-------

 

“You want me to do your hair?” Kara asked Lena once they were both dressed.

Lena was sitting on the vanity inside their walk-in closet doing her makeup, without stopping the motion of the hand that painted her lips in her signature deep red, Lena looked over at Kara through the mirror and smiled.

“Yes, please.”

Kara pulled the ottoman closer to Lena and sat right behind her, pulling all of Lena’s hair to one side she tugged just a little on Lena’s shirt to place a kiss on her favorite stop on her neck.

“Kara, I really can’t be late,” Lena told her, even though Kara could hear her resolve was about to break.

“I know. I got this, Zhao,” Kara said with another kiss to Lena’s shoulder, through her shirt. “Can you pass me the brush?”

Kara started by brushing Lena’s hair, watching her strength not to tug it too hard as she undid the tangles from sleep and their less than innocent activities from the night before, massaging Lena’s scalp with soft fingers that followed the brush, like she had done many times. In the mirror, she saw Lena’s eyes close, and she leaned back on the chair, completely at Kara’s mercy.

Every few moments Kara would press a kiss on Lena’s shoulder, just because she could.

She then carefully straightened Lena’s hair into the silky perfection that she knew she would never get tired of. She loved Lena being soft and comfortable in her pajamas and glasses and messy hair more than life itself, but the sharp business woman that Lena was did things to her.

Finally, Kara twisted Lena’s hair in an intricate updo that would go nicely with her outfit, leaving the spans of Lena’s neck exposed. That delicious neck that Kara loved to have her mouth on, that she’d always have to be extra careful with not to mark; it was a sacrifice she made to keep seeing Lena in her plunging necklines.

“Kara,” Lena called softly, breaking her out of her trance.

“Yes?”

“Do try not to drool on my new shirt,” Lena said teasingly, a wink over her shoulder through the mirror.

Kara tried to glare at Lena, but she only managed to squint while she smiled.

“I think I have a crush on you,” Kara said, making Lena burst into laughter.

“It’s a good thing that we’re married, then,” Lena laughed, turning to face Kara fully.

“Very good,” Kara agreed.

Lena leaned in and placed a kiss to Kara’s jaw, right below her ear.

“Thank you, love.”

Kara smiled brightly. “I’m keeping this one,” she said tapping the lipstick mark with a finger.

“As you wish,” Lena said with a smile.

And then it was time to get Liam up and dressed, which was a task on its own, no matter how helpful Liam tried to be.

Liam, much unlike both his mothers, was not a morning person and always struggled with getting up.

Lena left the room for less than five minutes to get Liam’s watch, but when she came back, she was faced with an upside-down little boy, held at the ankle by a grinning mother, giggling his ass off.

Lena cleared her throat and crossed her arms over her chest, watching them with a raised eyebrow.

Kara and Liam both looked at her with wide eyes, frozen at their spot, dears caught in the headlights, Liam’s cheeks flush red.

“We were just trying to get him to wake up,” Kara explained lamely.

“Right,” Lena said, not able to hide her amusement any longer. “Is it working?”

Kara shook Liam a bit and he giggled again.

“I think it is,” Kara said in a serious voice.

Lena let out a chuckle and walked towards them. She grabbed Liam by the torso and flipped him out, placing him on her hip and rubbing her nose on his. His breathing was a little hard from the giggles and the time upside down, so she coached him through some deep breaths to calm down.

“Fun to be upside down?” Lena asked, and Liam nodded almost aggressively even as he tried to control his breathing. “Okay, my love.” She pressed a kiss to his forehead. “We have something for you.”

“What is it?” Liam asked excitedly, every bit Kara’s son.

“Remember how we talked to you about using something to help make things less loud?” Kara asked him, and he nodded. “Well, mama finished it.”

“Really?” the little boy asked, looking back at Lena.

“Really, sweetheart,” Lena said, and she presented to him the light pink watch.

Lena would never get over how Liam’s face lit up when she got him a gift that he liked, he looked so much like Kara in those moments, and to Lena, there was no better thing in the world than her son happy or excited about something.

“It’s pink!” he exclaimed.

Lena smiled. “Just like you wanted.”

Liam nodded vigorously and held his arm out for Lena.

“Alright, before we put it on, we need to have a little talk,” Lena told him, placing him down on his bed. “There are a few things that this watch does that other watches don’t,” she started.

“This is not a toy, Lilo, you have to promise not to use it like one,” Kara told him.

Liam looked at them with the most serious face his two years and seven months could muster. “I pomise,” he said vehemently, with a little nod of his head. “.Vrreiahv,” he repeated in Kryptonian.

Both Kara and Lena had to hold themselves not to gush at that, because it was absolutely one of the cutest things they’d ever seen.

“Alright, so here,” Lena said, pointing to the deep red button on the side of the watch. “This button here is for emergencies only, like when you think you’re going to get hurt, if someone you don’t know is trying to take you away, if you don’t know where you are,” she explained.

Liam nodded as she spoke, showing he understood, and she just wanted to lunge forward and squish him with kisses.

“You touch this button, krius, and I will hear it, wherever I am, and I’ll come and get you,” Kara told him. “But like I said, it’s not a toy, only press it when something’s really wrong, because it’s not a fun noise.”

Liam reached out of the watch and Lena let him take it, knowing what he was about to do. Holding the watch with both hands, he pressed the infamous red button, and immediately, both Kryptonians winced in pain, Liam jerking back and dropping the watch. Before it could reach the floor, Kara grabbed it and pressed it again, making the noise go away.

“Bad button,” Liam mumbled.

“Yes, Lilo,” Lena agreed. “Bad button is only for bad times. Got it?”

Liam nodded.

“It also works as a phone, so mama and ieiu and aunty Alex can call you when we miss you,” Lena told him with a smile.

“I call back?”

Lena grinned. “Yes, you can call back, baby. I had our numbers all in there, mine and ieiu’s and aunty Alex’s and grandma’s and papa J’onn’s, but there’s a time and a place for calling, okay, you can’t call us all the time.”

“Okay.”

“Now the most important part of it,” Lena said, taking his left hand gently and placing the watch on his wrist, but Liam pulled away before she could fasten it.

“No!” he exclaimed. “Wrong arm,” he told her and held out his right arm for her.

Lena chuckled, she had an idea as to why he wanted to wear it on his right arm instead of the left, and she glanced at her own watch on her right arm and smiled. She tried to fasten the watch to his wrist again, but he twisted his arm.

“Like this,” he instructed, placing the visor of his watch on the underside of his wrist.

“Alright, anything else?” Lena asked teasingly.

“No. Thas it.”

Lena and Kara both laughed at his tone, and Lena proceeded to fasten the watch on his wrists, clicking in the childproof lock.

“You can’t take it off, alright baby?”

“Right,” he agreed with a nod.

Lena shifted to the side, to allow Kara to take her place crouching right in front of Liam.

“I’m going to turn it on, now, okay krius?” Kara said gently. Liam nodded and she found the app, but then she noticed the frown on Liam’s face.

“Everything alright, Lilo?”

“Will hurt, ieie?” he asked apprehensively.

Kara smiled reassuringly at him. “No, krius, it won’t hurt,” she promised him. “I tested it myself.”

“Really?”

“Uhum. You won’t feel a thing. Vrreiahv,” she told him.

And so Liam finally relaxed, and Kara turned the wavelength generator on at the highest setting, completely neutering his powers so that he’d have the speed, strength, and senses of a human child his age.

“So quiet,” Liam pointed out once his powers were gone.

“Good, right?” Kara asked, and he smiled and nodded.

“Thank you, mommies,” he said, throwing himself at both of them at the same time.

“You’re welcome, my love,” Lena whispered against his hair.

“ _Now_ ,” Kara said exaggeratedly. “It’s mama’s time to get a gift.”

Liam perked up at that.

“You know where it is, krius,” Kara told him, and he nodded and ran out of the room, slower than his normal pace.

“What are you up to?” Lena asked Kara, suspiciously.

Kara shrugged, the picture of innocence, but Lena knew better.

“You’ll see.”

Liam eventually got back to the room, holding a colorful badly wrapped package with a pretty bow on top, and handed it to Lena.

Lena’s heart soared in her chest. There was a little card stuck next to the bow that read ‘TO MAMA!’ in messy block letters, and Lena had to swallow down the emotions threatening to spill. She tore on the paper and exclaimed:

“Ah, the Danvers family ‘ first-day planner’. I was wondering where this was.”

“Yeah, Liam insisted on keeping it a surprise.”

Liam nodded.

“He chose it and everything,” Kara added.

“I put the paycard,” he said, looking proud of himself.

“You paid for it?” Lena asked with an exaggerated gasp, and Liam nodded again. She smiled at him. “I love it.”

“You do?”

“Very much so,” Lena told him, and pulled him in for another hug. “Thank you, my love.” She pulled away and looked at Kara, leaning in to press a kiss at her cheek. “You too, my love.”

It was hard to tell whose smile was bigger, Kara’s or Liam’s.

Lena tore all the paper away and looked at the tastefully black planner Liam picked for her, her initials – LLD – engraved in gold loopy letters that Lena recognized as Kara’s ‘fancy calligraphy’, as the blonde liked to call.

“There’s a little message on the inside, that I would suggest you wait until you’re alone to read it,” Kara whispered to her.

Lena looked up at Kara and almost laughed.

“Nothing like that, get your mind out of the _bedroom_ ,” Kara told her teasingly. “I think you’ll like it, though.”

“I already do,” Lena said, pressing another kiss to Kara’s jaw.

“Are we ready to go?” Kara asked.

“We can’t be late,” Lena repeated, and Kara smiled. “First day.”

 

After a nice breakfast in their regular restaurant, they went their separate ways, Lena going straight to CatCo, and Kara taking Liam to daycare first.

“Mrs. Luthor-Danvers, it’s so nice to see you,” the blonde assistant greeted the moment Lena stepped out of the elevator that opened in the middle of the bullpen.

“Eve,” Lena said back with a smile. “Nice to see you again.”

The woman squealed, actually squealed, right in her face, and then looked mortified.

“Sorry, I’m a huge admirer of yours, didn’t think you’d remember me.”

Lena smiled at her. “Thank you, Eve. And of course I remember you, we met at the office party last year.”

Eve squealed again, and then covered her mouth with both hands.

“Oh, uh, can I get you a coffee? You take it black, right?” Eve asked eagerly. “I’m not stalking you,” she said quickly before Lena could say anything. “I tried to contact your assistant at L-Corp about your favorite things to be prepared for your arrival, but he didn’t get back to me, so I asked Kara to fill me in.”

“Well, you got the better deal,” Lena told her with a laugh. “Kara knows me better than any assistant I could have.”

“You two are so cute together,” Eve gushed. “I’m sorry, I know this isn’t professional, but you two are like, my favorite power couple.”

Lena felt a blush creeping up her neck, and she took a deep breath to will it off.

“Well, thank you, Eve. And it’s fine, I’m not hiding, I’m not embarrassed by my marriage,” she said jokingly, but she knew that a lot of men in her position liked to hide or brush their marriage off, keep their wives as far away from work life as possible so they could do whatever they wanted without the wives’ knowledge.

“Kara told me I have to remind you of your meals, because you often forget to eat.”

Lena chuckled. “Kara pesters me about it enough as it is. I assume working closer will be even easier for her to keep an eye on my eating schedule, so it might be one less thing for you to worry about.”

“It’s so nice that she cares,” Eve said with a sigh.

“I supposed if she didn’t, I wouldn’t have married her,” Lena joked, and instead of laughing, Eve blushed. “But to answer your question, a coffee would be lovely, Eve, thank you. And could you get one for Kara as well? Caramel latte with extra foam and a little cinnamon sprinkled on top, two sugars.”

Eve nodded obediently. “Right away, Mrs. Luthor-Danvers.”

Eve started walking towards the staff elevators when Lena stopped her.

“Eve, why don’t you just use this elevator? It’ll go straight to the ground floor,” Lena asked, knowing full well why Eve wasn’t using it, it was Cat’s private elevator, but she never cared for such things.

“Oh, no, only the boss can use it,” Eve told her.

“Well, not anymore. Anybody who needs it should be able to use it.”

There was a look on Eve’s face that Lena couldn’t quite decipher as the blonde assistant smiled at her.

“Alright,” she said before stepping towards the elevator.

Could Eve have downplayed her ‘admiration’ for Lena?

Lena didn’t have time to unpack it, though.

“Lena,” James’ voice was heard before he was seen, and then he was in front of Lena, smiling, offering his large hand to her. “Didn’t know you’d be here this morning.”

Lena smiled back, shaking his hand. “Yeah, I was able to get things in line over at L-Corp.”

“That’s good,” James said with a little frown. “I wanna say thanks again, for saving CatCo.”

“I couldn’t have my wife losing her job, now, could I?”

James’ frown deepened.

“That was a joke, Mr. Olsen,” she explained.

“Oh, right,” he laughed awkwardly.

“I don’t think Edge had the best interest of the company at heart, and I’m a big believer of free press, it wasn’t a hard decision.”

“Well, we should really figure out a way to get you up to speed on what’s happening here,” James said as they started walking towards the office. “I’m sure Kara filled you in on some things, but she’s just a reporter,” he brushed it off.

Lena set her jaw tight not to say anything back at his dismissive comment.

“I was thinking weekly meetings, or-”

“Oh, there’s no need,” Lena dismissed. “I’ll be here every day.”

“E-every day?” James stammered.

“Yeah, I’ve set things up at L-Corp so I’ll be able to dedicate my energies to learning the ins and outs of how things work at CatCo.”

“Okay,” James said, not trying very hard to hide his distaste.

Lena looked up at him curiously. “You seem surprised by this.”

“Uh, yeah, yeah, I…”

But he wasn’t able to finish his thought.

“Hey,” Kara’s warm voice came from the door of the office, and Lena and James turned to look at her. “How’s first day treating you so far?”

Kara’s smile was wide and bright, and Lena had no power but to mirror it.

“Nothing to write on my brand-new planner yet,” Lena said as Kara approached.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll get the opportunity soon.”

“Kara, so you knew that Lena would be here today?” James asked.

They both looked at him, frowning as if just remembering about him being in the room; Lena didn’t have it in her to be embarrassed.

“You do know we’re married, right?”

James started spluttering, trying to come up with something to say back, but Lena was quicker.

“I should’ve communicated more clearly, Mr. Olsen,” she said in a calm voice. “I thought me buying the company made it clear that I intended to step in, as did the article you published stating today as my first day, but apparently not. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”

Lena ignored the entranced way Kara was watching her, as if she was enjoying way too much seeing Lena being snarky at her friend.

“No, no, no. It’s, no, I mean I feel bad,” he said quickly, stuttering a bit. “We just. We’re just not ready for a change in management. We don’t even have an office for you.”

“Oh, no, that’s fine, I’ll just stay with this one,” she said casually.

James actually choked on his saliva.

“But this is my office,” James said slowly, as if explaining something very obvious to a stupid person.

Lena frowned at him.

“I was under the impression that this was the CEO’s office,” Lena started carefully. “And the board has appointed me as the CEO since I bought the company, nearly two months ago, mind you, I’d say that’s enough time to get ready for a change in management, don’t you think?”

James looked at Kara, as if asking for help to deal with the situation, but Kara just shrugged and raised her hands, communicating that she was not getting involved.

“But I’m-”

“The Editor-in-chief, yes,” Lena filled in for him. “I’m sure we can find an office for you on another floor.”

James just gaped at her, and she turned back to Kara.

“Kara, could you get me the dossier on the Edge investigation, please?”

“Yeah, I’ll-” Kara’s sentence was interrupted by her phone ringing. “I gotta go,” she said instead, showing Lena the emergency alarm on her phone. “Can I get it for you when I’m back?”

“Sure,” Lena agreed.

There was a moment where Kara paused, considering if she could kiss Lena or not, but decided to do so, as she always did when she had to leave for Supergirl business, she had learned many years ago that one can never guess what’s going to happen, so she always said her goodbyes when possible.

She stepped closer, hearing around just to be sure even though she knew the office wasn’t full yet, and pressed a kiss to Lena’s temple. “I love you,” she whispered to her.

“I love you too,” Lena whispered back. “Be safe, okay?”

Kara smiled at her and nodded. “Always.”

On the way out, she passed by Eve that was arriving with two coffees and accepted hers thankfully.

James cleared his throat once Kara was gone. “Lena, I’d be happy to have someone else do that for you,” he offered.

“No, no, it’s fine, I can get it,” she said dismissively, as she started walking out of the office, but then she turned around to look back at him. “If you wouldn’t mind getting your things out of the office before lunch, I’m having some things delivered,” she told him, and she appreciated more than she should the way he turned speechless. “And I’d appreciate if you’d address me as Mrs. Luthor-Danvers in the workplace,” she added as her lips curled just a little bit more, nearly crossing the line between friendly and threateningly.

\-------

 

It all went quicker than Kara could really process.

One moment she was on the bank’s vault, trying to talk some sense into the robber, and the next it was as if she was surrounded by the nothingness of space, closing in on her, nothing but stars and gas masses anywhere she looked. She pressed her back against the wall firmly, it was the only solid thing she could feel, the only thing she knew was real; she couldn’t take in a full breath, could hear her own heartbeat spiking loudly in her ears. By the time Maggie found her, she had fully forgotten where she was, slipped down the wall to the floor but kept her back closely against it.

She felt soft hands on her face and a familiar voice trying to call her in the distance, but she only came to herself on the DEO’s med bay, with Alex and Winn fussing over her.

“I said I’m fine. This is totally unnecessary,” Kara insisted, pushing Alex’s hands away.

“None of the human victims remember what happened in there,” Maggie said, as Kara tried to get up and was pushed down by Alex’s hand on her shoulder. “Do you?”

Kara sighed. “I don’t know. I felt like the walls were closing in on me, like I was suffocating.”

“Sounds like she made you feel claustrophobic,” Alex said.

Kara looked up at her with a frown. “That’s not possible.”

“You used to have episodes like that sometimes,” Alex insisted.

But Kara shook her head. “That was a long time ago. I don’t have that anymore.” She got up, a deep frown in her brows. “We need to find out who she is and how we track her.”

J’onn stepped in front of her. “Well, at the moment you’re our best clue,” he said, and then his eyes glowed red as he started scanning her mind for residual psychic activity, Kara had been there one too many times, so she just signed and waited for him to be done. “Well, she's definitely a psychic, but she's not like me. There are traces of a particular type of psionic interference in your mind, the type only used by metahumans.”

“Okay, well, I'll start combing through the metahuman database,” Winn said, already leaving the room with his tablet in hand.

“In the meantime, I'll monitor potential targets for unusual activity,” J’onn said.

Kara nodded, the frown still deepening her crinkle, and made her way out the door. She paused on the threshold and turned around to look at the people still in the room. “If we locate her, I'll take her down. She caught me off guard last time. It's not gonna happen again,” she said seriously, ignoring Alex’s concerned look as she turned around to walk away.

\-------

 

Kara fidgeted with the straps of her purse as she stepped out of the elevator, she hated that she didn’t manage to make it on time for Lena’s meeting, she had wanted to be there for Lena, see Lena in action on her first day, but Supergirl business had got in the way.

“Hey, how you doing?” James’s voice asked, and she turned around to see him walking towards her.

“Good. I’m just running late,” she told him.

“For what?” he asked with a frown.

“Lena called a meeting for the newsroom.”

“She did?”

“Yeah.”

“She didn’t tell me.”

“Well, you’re not a reporter,” Kara said with a shrug, and she missed the annoyed look cross James’ face because she heard that familiar heartbeat and turned to watch her wife walking towards her. “Hey.”

“Kara, there you are,” Lena said between a relieved sigh. “Did everything go well?”

“Fine,” Kara signed tiredly. “Just not over yet.” She rolled her eyes annoyed and then looked up at Lena again. “I’m sorry, I tried to make it work, but it just-”

She was cut off by James asking “Good meeting? Was it good?” And she didn’t even have the energy to glare at him, but Lena did it for her.

“Yeah, I was just going around to all the departments, giving them a little pep talk,” she told him with what Kara knew was a forced smile, but then she looked back at Kara and her smile was genuine again. “I really missed you there.”

Kara could see the insecurities underlining her green eyes, on the rigidness of her posture, on the slight near imperceptible lilt of her voice; Lena had wanted Kara there for moral support. She didn’t know how the staff was going to react to her, and although she was an outwardly confident woman who knew how to handle her own better than anyone, Kara knew that deep down, her wife was always waiting that someone would antagonize her.

“I’m really sorry, Alex didn’t let me leave before a full checkup.”

Lena’s entire posture changed as she took a step towards Kara, hands reaching up to cup Kara’s face.

“What happened? Are you alright? Were you hurt? Do you need some air, or sun, or something to eat? Maybe a little rest?” Lena asked worriedly, not giving Kara enough time to answer a question before making another.

Kara pulled her face away gently, placing a hand over Lena’s lest she tried to reach for her again. She looked around awkwardly, hoping too many people hadn’t seen that; they needed to maintain a professional posture at work, Lena especially, as the boss, the last thing Kara wanted was for Lena to be discredited as a boss in her first day and not be respected by her employees.

“I’m fine,” Kara insisted. “It was just a little-” she didn’t get to finish her sentence, interrupted by the emergency alarm on her phone. “Sorry. I gotta go,” Kara said quickly, taking a step forward and kissing Lena on the cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Lena said automatically, but with a frown in her face. “Should I wait you for lunch?” Lena called after her.

“Yeah, totally,” Kara answered in a distracted tone, without even looking back towards her.

“Did she seem off to you?” Lena asked James once Kara was gone.

“She’s doing her job,” James said dryly, already incorporating his next sentence in the same breath. “Now, did you think that I didn't wanna be there? Is that why you didn't tell me?”

Lena raised her eyebrows at him, not appreciating his tone. “Well, to be honest, I thought you would be too busy to act as my chaperone.”

“I don't wanna chaperone you. I don't consider myself a chaperone. I consider myself the person who's been running this company for a year.”

“And that is very much appreciated, Mr. Olsen, but you’re not acting CEO anymore. And I don’t understand the animosity, you knew your position was temporary.”

“I just expected you would inform me before calling meetings and changing things.”

Lena frowned intrigued, looking at him like he had just said something funny.

“I am your _boss_ , Mr. Olsen, I’m not obligated to give you a satisfaction before doing my job.”

James’s eyes bore on her annoyed, his jaw tightened and he took a deep breath before scoffing and walking away.

“ _That_ went well,” Lena said under her breath before walking back towards the bullpen.

\-------

 

That couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t real. She was on Earth, she knew she was on Earth, she had been on Earth for seventeen years, yet what she saw was that she was on Krypton.

She wasn’t just seeing it, she was living it; she was on Krypton, she was standing on that hangar that she had stood on so many decades ago, and she was a scared little girl all over again, staring at her mother’s beautiful face that she missed so much.

“Kara,” her mother said, voice distant like a dream, and yet nothing had ever felt so real to her. “Kara. .Ukiemodh khap w rrip, Kara.”

“Ieiu?” she cried.

“ _Kara, because of the Earth's yellow sun, you have great powers on this planet_ ,” her mother was saying. No, no this couldn’t be happening. Not again. “ _You will do extraordinary things_.”

Suddenly she wasn’t standing in front of her mother anymore, instead, she was looking at her mother from inside the pod, her mother getting further and further away as she watched. Kara wanted to close her eyes, she knew what was coming and she didn’t want to see it, but no matter how much she squeezed her eyes shut, the images wouldn’t go away, and in a flash of reds and oranges Krypton was gone, and she had to watch it as it burned, the last pieces of it hurling towards her and hitting the pod violently.

And then the emptiness of space was closing in on her once again; she was alone, for twenty-four years she was alone, unsure if she’d ever get to see another living being again, knowing that everything she had once known no longer existed, that everyone she knew was dead, that her life was gone.

“Supergirl?” a voice came in the silence. “Supergirl!” Alex’s voice, calling for her. Her sister. Kara was not alone anymore.

Alex’s voice brought reality back to her and Kara gasped as she turned over her back in the concrete floor.

“I’m here,” she heaved.

Panting, Kara pressed a hand on her sternum, feeling her own heartbeat against her palm as she tried to regain her breath.

\-------

 

Telling Winn what she saw was almost as hard as reliving it, she hated how her voice trembled, how she could barely hold her tears back, how she couldn’t control her emotions no matter how much she tried, couldn’t be strong. But telling him was necessary.

“We have to stop her, Winn,” she said with a sigh.

He looked at her worriedly, and that was exactly what she didn’t want.

“You should tell J’onn, Alex…”

“No! They can’t know,” she insisted. “They’ll just worry. You have to be the one to solve this, that’s why I’m telling you. You’re already altering psychic dampeners, right? This will help?”

“Yeah, I mean, knowing that it targets fear centers, sure,” he said, his face still twisted in sadness and worry.

“Good.” She sighed again and looked down at her feet focused on calming down, on not seeing her nightmare again. Inside her cape’s hidden pocket, her phone started ringing and she pulled it to see Lena’s smiling contact photo, and her heart clenched. “It’s Lena, I’ve gotta go.”

“Hey, hey,” Winn said, placing a hand on her shoulder to prevent her from turning around. “I’m, I’m… I’m sorry this is happening, I’m just, I, if…” Winn stuttered.

But Kara didn’t want to hear it, didn’t want the pity look.

“I’ll be fine,” she cut him off hoarsely.

\-------

 

Kara was still distracted by it all when she got to CatCo, even though she walked there, and she had to remember to alleviate the impact when she bumped into someone.

She made a beeline to the CEO’s office, knowing Lena would be waiting for her there.

The familiar sight of her wife, sitting at a large white desk, in her expensive ergonomic chair, hunched over documents and scribbling notes in the margins, immediately put her mind at ease for the time being, and Kara felt herself smiling for what seemed like the first time in forever. It was barely 2 pm and yet this morning when they were hopeful for a good day, Lena giving Kara hickeys to test the power dampener, Kara making Lena’s hair, playing with Liam to get him to wake up, it all seemed like a lifetime ago plus one.

Kara was emotionally exhausted, all she wanted was to curl up with Lena and let her wife’s presence comfort her, but the office was a fishbowl and they couldn’t have any privacy in it. It was probably the thing she’d miss the most about Lena’s L-Corp office, their privacy.

Lena didn’t look up right away, and that gave Kara time to notice all the little pieces of Lena spread around the office, the two white couches between the door and the desk, the carpet that screamed Lena, the bar refilled with Lena’s favorites, the framed diplomas and certificates sharing the only solid wall with Kara’s first article and her two Pulitzers, even the cabinet was different, all white and pristine with hints of gold as details.

“You redecorated,” Kara said almost teasingly, and Lena looked up at her, clear green eyes sparkling as she saw her, and heart spiking up inside her chest.

“I did,” Lena agreed, looking at Kara pointedly.

And then it clicked.

“I promised I would help you with that,” Kara remembered with a sigh, walking towards Lena and circling the desk, standing right next to Lena’s chair. “I’m so sorry.”

Lena swiveled the chair around and looked up at Kara, grabbing her hand in her gentle ones.

“It’s fine, love, I’ve been a superhero’s wife for a while, I know what the job entails,” she joked, but Kara could see she was a little disappointed. “You skipped lunch though. In fact, I haven’t seen you eat all morning and I know you don’t eat when you’re out there,” Lena pointed out. “You know, I’m not the only one who needs to be reminded to eat when I’m working.”

Lena’s tone was teasing, but there was just a little hint of concern in her voice that had a small part of Kara wanting to step away just a little, put space between herself and another person looking at her worriedly. But Lena had both of her hands in her grip, soft hands squeezing just a little, and Kara brushed off the thought.

“I asked Eve to get us the usual at Otto’s. Let’s go eat outside,” Lena suggested, running her hands over Kara’s forearms.

Kara knew what Lena was really offering them both: privacy; a few moments away from everything else; a break from their responsibilities.

“You waited for me.”

“I always wait for you.”

The lazy smile playing on red painted lips was still one of Kara’s favorite sights in the whole universe, and she wanted nothing more than to just lean down and kiss her until they forgot their responsibilities.

“That sounds nice,” Kara sighed, smiling back at her wife.

Lena led them to the balcony, the balcony Kara had been to so many times before, she could practically feel Cat’s presence there still.

“Eve said you helped her with my preferences and whatnots,” Lena commented as took their food from the bags.

Kara nodded. “Yeah, she was a little nervous about working for you, and when Diego couldn’t be reached, she came to me all hesitant and asked if I could tell her your coffee order, and your favorite restaurants.” She shrugged. “I had a list with Cat, so I just filled that in with your info and gave it to her.”

Lena looked at Kara and scrunched up her face, a large smile on her lips.

“Should I be worried about what you told her?”

Kara laughed softly and shook her head. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell her that you need a nightguard to sleep, your reputation and secret are safe,” she teased.

“My hero,” Lena joked.

Kara offered her a small smile, somehow the joke didn’t sit right with her, but she let it pass.

They ate in silence for a while, Kara more quiet than usual, stuck in her head, thinking about Psi, about the visions the meta gave her, about how she needed to be caught.

How would she catch her, though, when she couldn’t get within ten feet of the woman? How would she catch her when the woman could bring her to her knees without having to lift a finger, could render her incapable with a thought?

Sure Winn was working on the dampeners, but there was a chance it wouldn’t work. If she was stronger than J’onn, she could easily be stronger than the dampeners.

“How’s everything going at the DEO?” Lena’s voice broke her out of her thoughts.

“What?”

“What’s got you so busy today?” Lena asked instead of repeating herself. “You were gone practically all morning, barely got in and already had to leave. Is it something big? More than one somethings?”

“It’s nothing,” Kara said rather dismissive. “Just a meta. Nothing I can’t handle.”

Lena didn’t seem convinced, eyeing the little crinkle between Kara’s eyebrows.

“Are you sure? You seem a little on edge. Is there anything I can help with?”

“You have enough to do here, don’t worry about me.”

Lena frowned a little and looked at Kara as if she had said something absurd.

“That’s impossible.”

“Well, it’s not needed,” Kara said quickly, a little harsher than she intended too, but she didn’t take it back.

Lena just looked at Kara, eyebrows raised in surprise, unsure of how to react to Kara’s tone. She didn’t say anything, though, just watched as Kara finished her food with an annoyed look on her face and rigid movements, and then got up.

“Thank you for lunch,” Kara said as a second thought before walking away.

“Kara,” Lena called before she could leave entirely, and Kara paused by the balcony door. “I can see this meta is affecting you. Maybe you should let someone else handle this.”

“There’s no one else, Lena. I’m _Supergirl_ , I’m the one who should do this. It’s _my_ responsibility.”

Kara was gone before Lena could formulate an answer.

Lena left her lunch half eaten, appetite gone all of a sudden, and got up from the couch to lean against the balcony that looked over the city. She stood there for a few moments, gathering herself before she could go back to the office. She just wished she could help Kara, unburden her somehow.

By the time Lena walked back to the office, Kara was nowhere in sight, her purse abandoned on her empty desk.

Lena sighed and poured herself a glass of water.

\-------

 

Kara didn’t show up again for another half an hour, and Lena had to text her to inform she needed her back when her contact got back to her.

She watched as Kara walked back in and sat down at her desk with an unusual grumpiness to her.

Lena stepped away from her office to hand Eve some documents and then walked to Kara’s desk.

“Kara,” she said as she approached, voice relaxed, trying to not pick up where they left at lunch. “I was looking for you.”

“Yeah, I know. I got your message,” Kara said peevishly, making Lena frown at her. “What’s up?”

“My contact at Edge’s bank came through. I wanted you to go interview.”

“Yeah, I’ll do it, just can’t right now,” Kara said, looking away from Lena and back at her desk where her computer was turning on.

Lena raised an eyebrow at that. “And why not?” she inquired.

“Don’t have the time. There’s something I have to do first,” she said dismissively.

“Other work stuff?”

“Yeah,” Kara said in the same dismissive tone.

Lena sighed in distaste and set her jaw.

“Kara, can I see you in my office, please?”

“Sure.”

Kara followed Lena into the office and Lena closed the glass door once they were in before turning towards Kara.

“What’s going on with you today, Kara?” Lena asked, tired of Kara’s attitude already, it wasn’t like the blonde to act so insolently.

“What’s going on is that I’m doing my job,” Kara bit back.

“ _This_ is your job,” Lena insisted. “You got a responsibility to it as well.”

Kara rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything.

“I don’t understand what’s got you like this. Just talk to me, please,” Lena practically begged.

“There’s nothing to talk about, I’m doing what’s expected of me.”

“Well, I expect you to do your job, otherwise what’s the point of you keeping it?”

“You don’t get it,” Kara said exasperatedly.

Lena scoffed. “Oh, I don’t get it?”

“What I do is important!” Kara said forcefully.

Lena arched an eyebrow at her. “And what I do isn’t?”

”That’s, that’s not what I mean,” Kara sighed tiredly, brows furrowing deeply.

“Kara, I’m worried you’re taking on too much, if you need a break from CatCo then, that would be totally okay, I can ask someone to cover for you, I just don’t want you to overwork yourself and-”

“Stop it! You are suffocating me,” Kara snapped. “I don’t need my wife at work, I need a boss who will not ask me how I am every thirty seconds, pestering me about if I’m eating right or if I’m not too stressed.”

Lena was taken aback by that, as if Kara had slapped her, eight years together and Kara had never talked to her like that. But she managed to recover pretty well and steel herself, setting her jaw tightly as she changed her entire posture.

“You want a boss, then I’ll be a boss,” she told Kara. “This is unacceptable behavior for an employee; you are being insolent and dismissive of my position in front of the other employees. You ran off this morning when I gave you an assignment. You missed a staff meeting. And now when asked to do a job by your boss, you act like it's an inconvenience,” she continued, trying to catch Kara’s eyes as Kara looked everywhere but her face, fidgeting with her glasses nervously. “ _As your boss,_ it is not my problem to make sure doing _your job_ fits in your schedule. I did not spend seven hundred and fifty million dollars on a company as a gift for my wife, nor do I plan on being an absentee landlord. This is an investment. I plan to get out of it everything I can.”

Kara lowered her head and nodded, ashamed. “I'll get in touch with your contact at the bank,” she all but whispered.

“Thank you.”

Lena turned around with her heart tight in her chest and she heard Kara leave the office, holding herself not to let her emotions show in front of her new employees, as was the Luthor way; it was already bad enough to have a quarrel with Kara in the middle of the fishbowl that was her new office, but in truth, all she wanted was to hide away and cry.

She played her words over in her head as she walked back to her desk, where stood the thing that always made her feel better at work: many pictures of Liam.

The first photo her eyes settled on was one of the three of them taken about a month before in their Saturday at the park; Kara holding Liam on her hip while her free arm wrapped around Lena’s, pressing her smile against Lena’s temple in an attempt of a kiss but she couldn’t stop smiling long enough for it, Lena took the photo, pointing at the camera to get Liam to look at it as he still giggled from Kara having tossed him around until he couldn’t breathe from his laughter.

It made Lena’s heart clench and she reached for the photo to stroke a thumb over Kara’s image.

She couldn’t stop thinking about what she said, perhaps she had been too harsh to Kara, she didn’t need to go that hard. She needed to apologize, just because Kara was wrong, didn’t make her right in talking to her like that.

Lena got up forcefully, sending her chair back, and quickly made her way towards the elevator. She managed to be just a few feet away from it when it closed, and she saw Kara’s determined face as she turned her phone off, she knew that it meant it was time for Supergirl to make an appearance.

Sighing in defeat, Lena returned to her office and dropped herself back on her chair.

\-------

 

“She must be getting stronger,” Kara told Winn, hating how she couldn’t control the shake of her voice. “I felt her in that elevator with me. She was, she was in my head again.”

She was back in the DEO’s med bay, sitting on a bed as she waited for Winn to scan her brain.

“Well, there’s no sign of any psychic intrusion,” Winn informed her as he looked up from his tablet.

Kara frowned deeply. “What?”

Winn took a deep breath and sat on the bed in front of her, clasping his hands together on his lap.

“I think you just had a good old… human panic attack.”

Kara couldn’t stand the concern in his eyes.

“That’s not possible,” she denied firmly. “No! No, I’m, I’m stronger than that.”

“Look, she got in your head, okay? And now she’s forcing you to live through some serious trauma, that is gonna take a toll on anyone. I don’t care if you’re the strongest person in the world, which,” he paused for a second. “Look, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I never said I was ashamed,” Kara said quickly.

Winn sighed.

“What I went through has made me stronger,” Kara continued. “I’m who I am because of that, I’m not ashamed of my past. She must have done something to me.”

“Kara, there’s nothing psychic going on with you. This is all you now.”

Kara opened her mouth to argue, but she closed it as soon as she heard Alex approaching.

“Winn, J’onn’s looking for you,” Alex said as she entered the med bay. She paused when she saw the two of them. “Hey, what are you guys doing up here?”

Winn got up quickly and started moving his arms awkwardly, slamming his fists together.

“Just talking. We’re hanging out, just being friends,” he said in a weird voice and an even weirder accent.

 Kara sighed and got up from the bed as well.

“I have to go, I’m sorry,” she said before walking away without even looking at Alex.

She knew what she needed to do. If her mind wasn’t strong enough to fight Psi, she would make it stronger.

 -------

 

“.Rao sokaofidh nahn w khuhp I ehrosh ni :divi. .Rao sokaokypzrhiges w khuhp I raogrhys.”  _Rao , please make my journey/life light. Rao, please build my strength._

Kara stopped her mantra when she heard the door to the deck sliding open.

She had gone home, where she could have a clear head away from everything else that was overwhelming her that day; changed her slacks and button up for jeans and a thick sweater Eliza knitted for her, she had kneeled on the deck outside and started repeating the ancient words she hadn’t thought about in so long, over and over again.

“What are you doing?” Alex asked as she walked towards Kara.

“It’s a Kryptonian meditation,” Kara explained as Alex sat on the edge of the deck table right in front of Kara. “We say an ancient mantra to strengthen the mind.”

Alex hummed her understanding. “Never seen you do that before.”

“I never felt like I needed it,” Kara said truthfully.

Alex twisted her lips in a crooked pout that she did reflectively when she was feeling sympathetic.

“Winn’s still working on the psychic dampening technology,” she said, and Kara nodded. “ _We_ had a nice chat.”

“Did you?” Kara asked and Alex gave her a small smile. Kara sighed, understanding. “He told you, didn’t he?”

Kara got up and turned away from Alex.

“Well, he’s not very good at keeping secrets.”

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Kara said tiredly, looking over her shoulder at Alex before walking out of the deck.

“Well, we used to talk to each other about this kind of stuff,” Alex said as she followed Kara into the kitchen, trying to keep up with Kara’s fast pace. When she reached her, Kara was already in the middle of the kitchen, drinking a glass of water, and Alex stood across the island from Kara, placing her hands on the glass counter. “Why didn’t you tell me you saw Krypton, that you were having panic attacks?”

“I didn’t want you to worry.”

Alex shrugged. “You fight the most dangerous and evil creatures on the planet, daily, so I’m kind of always gonna worry.”

“I don’t know how to fight this one,” Kara said, passing Alex to sit on the living room couch. “And I should be able to stop her, but, but then she makes her way into my mind and,” Kara paused, pulling her feet up to place her chin on her knee, and hugging her legs. “And forces me to relive the scariest moment of my life. It’s,” she pressed a hand to her forehead and sighed. “It’s torture. How am I supposed to deal with that?” she asked, looking over at Alex.

“Well, by remembering that your fears don't define you,” Alex started, walking towards the couch and sitting cross-legged in front of Kara. “Remembering what you fight for. You know, who you are as Supergirl, who you are as Kara, what makes you strong right here,” she reached her pointer finger to tap over Kara’s sternum. “That's what defines you, and she's got nothing on that.”

“I know that, you know, logically, I know that. I know who I am, I know what makes me strong, what I fight for. And I thought I had dealt with my trauma, I haven’t had nightmares about that night since before Liam was born. But this one really got into my head.” She shook her head with a deep sigh. “I even had a fight with Lena today,” Kara confessed, shame dripping in her voice.

“What?” Alex asked shocked. “You guys never fight. Ever!”

Kara sighed. “I know. But I just… having her at work all day, while I have to do that and leave to handle Supergirl business… it’s all new and different, and with this meta messing with my head… I was overwhelmed and I just, I yelled at her, Alex. I yelled at my wife. I don’t do that.”

“Hey,” Alex all but cooed as she scooted closer and pulled Kara into a hug. “I’m sure she’ll understand. She’s Lena, she’s been with you since the beginning, she knows how it is.”

“I yelled at her,” Kara repeated, disgusted at herself. “I’ve never done that. You should have seen the look on her face; I’ve never seen her look at me like that. I just didn’t want her to worry, like I didn’t want you to worry, but then she was all over me and I couldn’t think.”

“Just talk to her,” Alex told her. “You guys have the best relationship ever, and you have always communicated very healthily and better than any two people I have ever known, present company included.” She smiled and waited for Kara to do the same. “There is no possible way, in the quantifiable universe, that Lena will not understand you and accept your apology,” Alex said confidently. “When was the last time she was even mad at you?”

“A few months ago, when I left a hickey in her boob in a place that she could not wear lowcut blouses without showing it,” Kara mumbled.

“Alright, I did not need to know that,” Alex said with a scrunch of her nose.

Kara shrugged, with a little smile even as her cheeks flushed just a little. “You asked.”

“And I regret it.”

Kara laughed softly, and Alex looked proud of that accomplishment.

After a moment Alex looked serious at Kara.

“You know, trauma has a way of getting to us, even when we think we’ve dealt with it,” she said with a sympathetic look. “Some things might always affect us, and that’s sad, but it’s good to remember that we’re stronger than our demons, and even when they get us down, we’ll just get back up again. Because giving up is the only way to lose.”

Kara took a moment to absorb what Alex said before nodding and dropping her head on her sister’s shoulder.

“When did you become so wise?” Kara asked in a mumble.

Alex chuckled. “You got married and became a mom, I figured I had to keep it up to still play my role as the biggest sister.”

Kara smiled against Alex’s shirt.

“I love you.”

“Love you too, baby girl,” Alex said and pressed a kiss to Kara’s head.

\-------

 

The street was destroyed by the time Kara arrived, and a wrecking ball was flying towards a couple of civilians; she caught it easily and set it down before walking the wreckage in search of the meta.

When she spotted her, Psi was walking away from it all with bags of money like a comic book villain.

“Psi,” Kara called as she walked towards the woman. She turned the psychic dampener on and raised it with a shaky arm.

The woman turned to her and sent a wave of psychic energy her way, so strong it made her stumble.

She heard the sounds of explosions, explosions everywhere, one after the other, louder than thunders, in quick sequence. Kara knew that sound well, too well, it was ingrained in her memory like a weed, and she could never forget it even if she tried; the sound of a world dying.

Kara fell to her knees, still seeing Psi in front of her, she tried to stand, to hold herself together, but it was too strong; she felt dizzy.

“Lady bird, lady bird,” the meta practically sang as she approached. “Fly away home.”

The ground was shaking, and the sky was brighter than before, brighter than it should be. As the explosions continued to ring in her ears, Kara saw as the sky burned behind the approaching meta.

“Your house is on fire. And your children, they will burn.”

The woman’s words struck her deep in her core, slicing her heart before another wave of psychic energy sent her flying backward with a force so great it knocked the air from her lungs.

She hit a building and crashed to the ground heavily, wincing from the impact.

Kara panted as she tried to get up, breathing hard either from the impact or the vision that was clouding her mind. She felt faint, weak as the ground shook in her precepting but was still very solid and unmovable under her body.

Then she saw the pod again.

But she wasn’t in it, she was looking at it from outside, standing right in front of it.

Yet there was someone inside it.

It took her a moment to see who was there behind the glass, to recognize them, but when she did, her heart stopped altogether.

“No,” Kara gasped. “No, no, no, no, no, no,” she repeated over and over again as she looked at the little face looking up at her with terrified blue eyes.

Liam’s face was contorted with fear, and he tossed inside the tight pod trying to get out, his tiny hands slamming against the glass desperately as he tried to reach her in any way; his eyes pleaded with her, begging to be let out.

Kara tried to reach him, tried to get him out, but when she touched the pod it turned on, lifting off the ground. She slammed her fists against the glass, but it wouldn’t budge; inside Liam screamed for her, but there was nothing she could do. After one particularly strong punch to the glass, the tails of the pod lit up and she watched helplessly as it took off with her son inside, lost out of her sight before she could even try to follow.

“He’s gone,” Kara sobbed, kneeling on the ground, shoulders slumped, face soaked, feeling more powerless than under a red sun.

“Kara, hey, it’s me, it’s okay, you’re okay,” Alex’s voice said, but Kara couldn’t see her, the image of Liam’s fearful face as the pod moved away still stuck in her brain.

“It’s my fault,” Kara whispered.

“No,” Alex said back.

“It’s him in the pod, not me.”

“Liam,” Alex deduced.

“I sent him away,” Kara cried. “I did it, it was me.”

“No, Kara.”

“I sent him away like my mother did to me. I sent him to die in space. He’s just so little, so very little, and he’s scared of the dark; he doesn’t deserve that torture. He doesn’t deserve to live through what I did. I can’t let that happen to him.”

“Then don’t,” Alex told her. “Don’t let that happen. Your mom saved you the only way she could when she put you in that pod. But you have your powers here, you can protect him in other ways; you do it every day.”

Kara’s vision cleared and she finally could see Alex in front of her, looking at her with her wise and calming eyes, sure of what she was saying.

“I protect him,” Kara mumbled.

“Yeah,” Alex said with a comforting smile. “He is happy and safe because of you.”

Kara sobbed once more, feeling more tears slide down her face.

“So do it now,” Alex continued, “you get back up and you fight. Fight for him.”

“Fight for him,” Kara repeated weakly and said it over and over again in her head. He was the reason she did it all, he was what she fought for, she was a hero to protect him. A flash of green eyes sparked in her mind alongside Liam’s.

Kara squeezed her eyes shut and pull a deep breath, stopping her tears and steadying herself; she lifted her head up and saw Alex smile, knowing Kara was back in the fight.

“Go get her.”

Kara nodded, and sniffed one last time, tightening her jaw and feeling the strength flow through her body again, she curled her hand into a tight fist on the ground and felt the concrete break beneath her knuckles before she took off into the air.

She landed a few feet away from Psi, and squared her shoulders, feeling powerful again, made of steel.

“You’re not going anywhere,” she said steadily.

The woman smiled amusedly and took a step closer.

“What did you see?” Psi asked intrigued. “I wonder, what brought the girl of steel to her knees?”

The meta send a wave of psychic energy towards her, but this time the visions didn’t come, and Kara kept her feet solid on the ground, looking at her challengingly.

“A lie,” Kara told her and started walking.

The woman seemed confused for a moment.

“Fear is not a lie,” she said and tried again.

But Kara didn’t stop, and still walked towards her unphased.

“Fear cripples,” the woman continued as she walked as well, menacingly. “Annihilates spirits. It is the only weapon that matters. Fear made me stronger than you. No one is safe from it.” She sent another wave with every point she made, until she was standing right in front of Kara, and Kara stared her head on. The woman frowned confused. “Why aren't you scared anymore?” she whispered, fear dripping into her voice for a change.

“Mind over matter,” Kara said, repeating the woman’s words from their first encounter, and headbutted her.

The woman fell flat on the ground, unconscious. Of course, Kara didn’t use enough force to cause any real damage to a human, but she would probably not wake up any time soon, and when she did, she’d have a headache for a very long time; it served her well after all that she did.

“You know, I don’t think that’s what that phrase means,” Alex said amused as she approached.

And Kara could only laugh, relieved that it was over.

“It was symbolic,” she told Alex, and it was her sister’s time to laugh.

“You’re a poet.”

Kara shrugged. “I’m a writer after all.”

“Alright, get out of here,” Alex said making a gesture with her head. “Go talk to your wife.”

Kara nodded.

Before she could take off though, she paused.

“Hey,” she called softly, and Alex looked up at her. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, Supergirl.”

\-------

 

Kara was nervous.

She hadn’t been nervous to talk to Lena since she proposed, nearly seven years prior. She had also never yelled at Lena before, so her hesitancy to talk to her wife was to be expected, but she knew Alex was right, Lena understood her, she had always understood her.

The bullpen was dark despite the fluorescent lights, and many people had already gone home when Kara walked in.

She spotted Lena talking to a reporter, and approached slowly, waiting for her to finish. But when Lena saw her she cut the conversation short, gave him a final instruction and straightened up, stepping closer.

Kara crossed the rest of the way sheepishly, fidgeting with her fingers.

“So, I, uh, got in touch with your contact at the bank,” Kara started and Lena crossed her arms, in the way she always did when she felt like she needed to defend herself, and Kara hated that she caused that, “and he would be a great source on Edge.”

“I’m glad it was valuable,” Lena said formally, steeling herself from anything that might come from Kara at the moment.

“Uhm, I… I need to apologize for how I acted earlier,” Kara said finally, and Lena waited. “And you were right,” Kara confessed in a low voice. “I really did take on too much, and I’m more stressed than I realized.”

“I know it’s not easy, there’s a lot of pressure on you,” Lena said.

Kara nodded.

“You were just worried about me and trying to help, and I bit your head off, and…”

“And I wasn’t much better either,” Lena cut off. “I was way harsher than I needed to, I just, I’m not used to you talking to me like that, and I think working together, we’re going to have to learn how to adapt to this.”

“No, Lena,” Kara started, getting closer to the brunette. “Today you were great, you’re a really good boss, and I was a really bad wife.”

“That is absolute nonsense,” Lena disagreed with a little smile. “There is no conceivable way for you to be a bad wife. Ever.” She took Kara’s hands in hers and brought it to her lips, pressing a bright red kiss to her knuckles. “You were stressed today, and I pressured you too much, I know you don’t like when someone hawks over you and tries to tell you how you should do everything, but I let my insecurities and concerns take over for a second.” She took a deep breath. “And then when you snapped, I went back to that bad place in my head that makes me act like a Luthor, and I was harsh. I regretted it the second I walked away.”

Kara nodded. “Me too,” she said, squeezing Lena’s fingers. “I actually had a panic attack right after that. I think that was our worst fight.”

“Kara,” Lena gasped. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Kara shrugged. “I didn’t want you to worry even more; I thought I could handle it all on my own. Besides, I was ashamed of how I talked to you.”

“Fuck that,” Lena said, not unkindly. “Kara, you should have told me,” she insisted. “No one is questioning your strength, there is no doubt that you can handle whatever comes at you, but you don’t have to deal with these things alone; you never have to deal with anything alone, that’s what I’m here for, and Alex and Winn and J’onn…”

Kara nodded. “I know. And I’ll always need you; you make me stronger, all of you. I was just being dumb.”

Lena crinkled her nose at that, making a face that she knew always got Kara to laugh, and it did.

“You know, you _Zhao_ ,” Kara continued, whispering the Kryptonian endearment. “You and Liam, you are my sun, _you_ are my strength; and everything I do, in here or out there, it’s for and because of you. I just lost track of that for a second.”

Lena took a deep breath, trying to hide how affected by those words she really was, but Kara could still see it, like she always saw Lena. She could tell just by looking that Lena had a lump in her throat, and that were they in any setting other than the bullpen, Lena would probably be crying.

“I really want to hug you right now, but I’m afraid I’d show favoritism,” Lena said half joking to distract from her emotions, and Kara let out a laugh.

“I think you marrying me and birthing my child was a big clue on favoritism.”

Lena laughed as well and pulled Kara into a hug, curling against her wife, letting herself relax into the arms that brought her safety and comfort, and Kara wrapped her arms around her almost protectively, like she had been wanting to do so all day.

“There’s a lot I need to talk to you about.”

“Just ignore it for a second.”

Kara nodded and let herself fall into the comforting hug.

“I love you,” Lena whispered to Kara after a while.

“I love you too. So much.”

“I hate fighting with you.”

Kara shook her head. “We’re not fighting anymore.”

Lena nodded and buried her face further into Kara’s neck.

They were so concerned with each other that they didn’t notice someone else approaching them, not until the person cleared their throat.

Lena went rigid in Kara’s arms and they broke apart, but when she saw it was Sam, she relaxed again.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Sam teased.

Lena smiled at her friend. “Maybe a little bit.”

“It’s really good to see you again, Sam,” Kara said, stepping forward to hug the woman.

“Yeah, you too Kara. It’s been a while.”

Kara laughed. The last time they saw each other was when Lena’s maternity leave ended, Lena and Sam talked all the time, and sometimes met up in business trips, but her and Kara hadn’t seen each other in over two years.

“I told Lena to invite you over for dinner, but everything has been so busy with the merger and all…” Kara said.

“Oh yeah, well, things are a bit crazy for me too.”

“Lena mentioned you had a problem with Ruby. Is everything okay?”

Sam tried to shrug it off, but it looked forced. “Yeah, that was just a school thing… a fight, she had a fight in school, today of all days.” Sam sighed tiredly.

“And like I told you, I understand,” Lena said. “Our children come first, always.”

“Again, thank you for that, Lena. We should definitely schedule that dinner once the dust settles.”

“Oh, yes, we will need a lot of wine then,” Lena joked.

“Absolutely.”

Kara was about to say something when the elevator dinged, and she turned to see Eve stepping out of it with Liam, holding the boy’s hand and backpack in each hand.

Liam held Eve’s hand obediently until he spotted his mothers.

Kara’s face broke into the biggest smile and she crouched down, opening her arms to him, and the boy ran with all his toddler coordination, slower now that his powers were dampened, towards Kara’s arms.

“Oh, I missed you, baby. I missed you so much, krius,” she said into his neck as she squeezed him as tight as she would allow herself, needing to feel his presence to make sure he was okay after all the nightmares.

“Missed you too, ieie,” he told her, and Kara almost sobbed in relief.

Eve finally reached them, walking towards them at a much slower pace than the boy.

“Thank you for picking him up, Eve,” Lena said as Kara straightened herself up with Liam securely in her arms.

“It was no problem, Mrs. Luthor-Danvers,” the assistant said. “Liam is a very nice little boy.”

Lena smiled proudly. “Yes, he is. You can go home, now, thank you again.”

Eve nodded and excused herself.

“Mama!” Liam exclaimed, holding his tiny arms out to Lena and making grabbing motions with his hands.

Lena grinned at him and held her own arms out to him, and the next second, Liam was throwing himself at her, faster than Kara could catch him, falling safely into his mama’s arms.

“My baby,” Lena sighed, nuzzling his soft hair.

“My mama,” Liam repeated happily, snuggling against Lena.

“Oh god, he is so cute,” Sam gushed as she and Kara watched the scene, a little more entranced that she would usually be. “And he got so big.”

“Yeah, he grew up so fast,” Lena agreed. “Did you say hi to aunty Sam, Lilo?” she asked, coaxing him to look at Sam.

“Hi,” he said shyly, glancing at Sam while hiding his face in Lena’s neck.

The three women laughed.

“Hi, Liam,” Sam said softly. “Did you know I met you when you were just a little baby?”

He glanced at her again and shook his head.

“Aunty Sam is the one who got you your pirate ship,” Lena told him.

Liam looked at Sam fully then, his bright blue eyes widening. “Luf it! Thanks,” he said to her, making his mothers smile.

Sam smiled at him too. “You are very welcome.”

“You wanna show aunty Sam your new watch?” Lena asked, knowing Liam was very excited about his Smartwatch.

Without a word, Liam thrust his right arm out towards Sam, so she could see the cotton-candy-pink Smartwatch the boy was wearing.

The women smiled at that, but all managed to hold their laugh.

“It’s so pretty,” Sam praised exaggeratedly, and Liam smiled.

“Calls mommies,” Liam said simply.

“Oh, it calls your mommies?” Sam asked impressed.

“Yeah. And aunty Alex.”

“That is so cool,” Sam gushed.

“It’s one of ours,” Lena told Sam. “Our newest model.”

“Oh. I’m inclined to get one for Ruby. She’d hate it,” Sam said in a devilish tone that made Lena laugh. “She thinks she’s a grownup now that she’s 12.”

“Still can’t believe she’s twelve already,” Lena said.

Sam scoffed. “Tell me about it.”

That was when Liam started yawning and hid his face on Lena’s neck again.

“I should let you guys go home,” Sam told them. “I have my own kid to take care of.”

“Yeah, we should put him to bed,” Lena said. “Though he’ll be asleep like this in a few minutes.”

“That’s a wonderful age,” Sam said with a tone of reminiscence. “Enjoy it while it lasts,” she added, but not condescending, just nostalgic.

“Oh, we definitely do,” Lena said, as she rubbed Liam’s back, the boy dozily relaxing in her arms.

“We have to remember to schedule that dinner,” Sam said.

“I'll get my best bottles.”

“Yeah, you will. I wouldn't let the opportunity to drink your expensive wines pass.”

Lena laughed, and Liam grumbled a little against her chest but didn’t move.

“You have a good night, Sam.”

“Have a good night, you three.”

Lena turned to Kara once the elevator closed the doors.

“Shall we go home as well?” she asked. “Or do you have anything else to do here at the office?”

Kara shook her head, a little distracted. “No, no, I’m good. Let’s go,” she said a little airy.

Lena frowned at her and raised her free hand to Kara’s face.

“Are you alright, darling?” she asked with concern. “You’ve been awfully quiet since Liam arrived.”

“Fine, just tired,” Kara brushed it off. “I really want to go home.”

Lena didn’t believe her, but she knew that Kara would tell her eventually, so she didn’t press.

“Let’s go home, then,” Lena said, and lead them towards what until today was a private elevator for the CEO.

\-------

 

Liam slept through the car ride, and when they got to the penthouse Lena offered if Kara wanted to get him ready to bed alone, as if she knew Kara needed it, and Kara accepted it gratefully.

The little boy barely opened his eyes as Kara gave him a bath, only aware enough to stay upright and follow her soft instructions as she washed him, dried him, and put on his pajamas, but when Kara placed him in bed and stepped away, he was suddenly awake and fully aware.

As if he could sense Kara’s emotional state, his eyes were pleading, much like in her vision, and he reached out to grab her hand.

“.Sozhaoawuhkhu w khahp eh, ieie,” Liam begged in a fast Kryptahniuo that impressed Kara at the same time it tightened her heart, she didn’t know he dominated her mother language so well. _Please don’t leave me, ieie_.

Kara stepped back towards him and sat down on the bed next to him and put an arm around him, pulling him against her.

“.Zharroshodh khap w tahnahjah eh, krius. Awuhkhu zhadif khap w rrup,” she promised, the desperation she felt all day sipping into her words. “.Ukiemodh khap w rrup eh, krius.” _I’m not going anywhere, krius. I will never leave you. I love you._

“.Takaikhahzhorodh rrip ki tiv belahd,” he asked. _Can you sing a song?_

And so Kara did, she sang him the lullaby she remembered her mother singing, that she herself had sung to him many times, unaware of the extra audience she had by the door. The weight of the entire day wearing her down as she sang the familiar words.

Even after Liam fell asleep again, Kara stayed with him, stroking his stomach soothingly, though if it was to soothe him or herself, she wouldn’t know.

When she finally decided she should go, she got up and turned around, coming face to face with Lena at the door, devoid of all makeup, hair down and still a little wet, and dressed to bed already; her favorite look.

“Did you know he spoke that well?” Lena asked softly as Kara approached her.

Kara shook her head, closing the door behind her.

“No, I’m impressed too, he never spoke so much. I didn’t even know it was possible to speak like that as his age. His grammar was perfect.”

“Might we have a little genius in our hands?” Lena asked teasingly.

Kara smiled. “If he’s anything like his mother.”

“Which one?”

Kara’s only response was a smirk.

“Let’s get you to bed, smarty pants.”

Kara followed Lena to their bedroom.

She let Lena help her change into her pajamas, and they slipped into the covers facing each other. They just watched each other for a moment, Kara glad that they resolved everything before going to bed; they had made a promise, years before, to never go to bed angry, and they had never broken it.

It was Lena who broke the silence.

“What happened today, love?” Lena asked carefully, the concern sipping back into her tone.

Kara took her time gathering herself before answering.

“I fought a psychic,” she said tiredly, and sighed deeply. “She made me relive my last moments on Krypton. Everything, ieiu, the explosion, being in that pod, trapped, alone, seeing nothing but darkness, devoid of all sound, not knowing if I’d ever get to see another living being again,” her voice was distant, detached in a way that scared Lena. “Just floating aimlessly into nothing. Afraid that I would die like that, even more afraid that I wouldn’t, that I would be stuck there for eternity, that not even death could save me from it. Hoping I had stayed with my family so I could at least see them again in the light of Rao. Angry that ieiu had sent me away, left me alone, to live a fate worse than death. I lost all hope that I would ever get to really live again.”

Lena listened patiently, just letting Kara talk, without trying to give an input.

“It was so quiet,” Kara whispered. “And each encounter with this meta just got worse, the visions got more vivid, longer, she just made me see it over and over again, it was torture. Until the last one…” And Kara choked. “It wasn’t, it wasn’t me.” She paused then, trying to breathe, trying to swallow the lump in her throat and control the tears threatening to slip.

Lena took Kara’s hand, squeezing it as tight as she could to show Kara she was still there, knowing that any more contact at the moment could overwhelm Kara.

“It was him,” Kara’s voice was broken like Lena had never heard before, and the dam of tears broke. “It was Liam. It was Liam I was seeing in the pod. Me sending him away to be lost in the darkness forever. He was so scared, I was so scared,” she sobbed. “I couldn’t get to him I never…” her voice cracked, and she didn’t bother to continue.

“Oh, my love,” Lena cooed as she pulled Kara into a hug, feeling the tears soak her pajama shirt almost immediately. “That wasn’t real.”

“I know,” Kara sniffed. “I would never-never leave him alone.”

“I know that, love.”

“I’d go with him if I have to.”

“I know.”

“Or send you.”

“We’ll build a pod that fits three.”

“I love you,” Kara sighed into Lena’s shoulder.

“.Zhaoodh khap w rrip eh, Kara,” Lena whispered and grinned proudly at the little gasp it elicited from Kara. Kara had always loved when Lena spoke to her in Kryptahniuo, even if Lena wasn’t the best speaker; her mouth wasn’t quite made for it, and her accent was too strong in certain words, but she still loved it.

“Uldif?” Kara asked, voice edging just a little on desperation.

Lena smiled. “Forever, my love,” she agreed.

“.Awuhkhu zhadif khap w rrip eh, Zhao,” Kara promised.

“I will never leave you either. .Nahn rrip w voi.” _You are safe._

Kara let out a little sob, so Lena continued:

“.Nahn unah-kah w voi.” _Our son is safe._

“Vrreiahv?”

“I promise. .Thronivu zhindif khap w rraopo.” _I will always protect you two._

Kara nodded against Lena’s neck as tears continued to flow from her eyes.

“.Nahn rrip w voi,” Lena repeated over and over again, like a mantra, stroking Kara’s hair and back as the blonde cried.

Even after Kara fell asleep, exhausted from the day she had and from all the crying, Lena continued to repeat it, continued to comfort her wife, until she herself couldn’t stay awake anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I had to.  
> I think this is probably the strongest angst I've ever written, that was hard.
> 
> The moment I watched this episode I disliked how they made Kara's trauma actually about Mon-el because it's such a blatant dismissal of the trauma Kara very much still had at that point, and I think something like what she went through doesn't ever go away; so when I created Liam I knew I wanted to rewrite this ep and make it about him instead because I think that'd be an important moment for Kara's growth. I also wanted to make the argument at CatCo into this fight between them as a married couple, because I live for the drama.
> 
> Fun fact, for those of you who are still reading the notes: that prayer Kara says, is actually the correcting from what she said on the ep, made by the guy who runs the kryptonian.info site, yes, he likes to watch Supergirl and correct the Kryptonian from it and is not happy the writers use the language he created on the show without actually knowing how to use because as he says, he'd be happy to help them not make a mess of it, but they playing.
> 
> Comments and Kudos help me feed my children, my tumblr is [@myheartisbro-ken](https://myheartisbro-ken.tumblr.com/) and can yell at me there if you're shy to do it here.
> 
> Thank you for reading, until next time.


End file.
